Find Me!

I don’t know how I am these days,
The sun shines and I watch the rays,
But somehow this confusion remains,
And I keep racking my cold brains.

I guess somehow my self-entity got lost,
And I became unstable than most,
Life moved so fast with a blurry haze,
I got lost in that scary craze.

Looking back at my life this day,
I don’t really know what to say,
Where did I lose these parts of me?
In busy schedules? Or things I can’t see?

What happened to that bright awake person?
One who lived with fire, freedom and reason,
Which side of the road did I drop her?
How do I get her back right now or after?

This will be a journey, sure and slow,
How I travel through it, I don’t know,
Yet somehow, I will face it all through,
Hoping to find me, slightly broken, but true.

Sappy

Your smile, the trembling of my heart,
Your touch, the creeping of my skin,
Why do I cry when I’m not hurt?
Why do I rejoice in my own sin?

Rainbows, morning dew, raindrops,
Tears, broken hearts, lost dreams,
Why can’t I open when bliss knocks?
Why do I only hear my heart’s screams?

I lost love once, lost my own faith,
I hide, Scared of being once more broken,
Although my soul longed for some wealth,
And my head buzzed with words unspoken.

Is this how death feels like to me?
Am I alive, am I in the land of the living?
How do I move on and let me be
When it hurts even with my own breathing.

Heaven have mercy, I want to cry,
If it might even give slight relief,
I can’t find peace, and God! I try,
My strength leaks beyond all belief.

Be here with me now, make me melt,
Clear this doubt and the clouds I hold,
The fear of emotions I once felt,
Smile, allow me to feel bold.

Are you real, or just a strong illusion?
With that strong, mightily assuring presence,
Are you in my life or my mind’s creation?
I cower at the thought of your absence.

Help me to be born and live afresh,
Break my will, my being, my bones,
Make me alive, mold the feel of my flesh,
Give me peaches, strength, love of stones.

I get so scared, but sometimes happy,
You give me all, you ask for nothing,
So I’m content, but also shamelessly sappy,
That I have you, I won’t ask for more of anything.

Forgive

A burning deep inside and strong,
Like my heart is painfully wrong,
Blown away with nothing to hold,
In this burning that’s yet so cold.

How I got here, I have no clue,
My doubts and regrets not so few,
Was it when I gave my all to you,
And you stomped it with the sole of your shoe?

A heavy blow on my life you struck,
In that pain and agony I got stuck,
I wailed, I mourned, screamed, cried,
I got lost and my soul was tried.

But who gives death after giving life?
Who gives feathers and then a knife?
Allows fields to bloom, wounds to pus?
Who makes, breaks and strengthens us?

A greater power works hard inside,
Gives us strength to choose and decide
So, I was hurt, so deeply by you,
I wasted as my ugly shame-stain grew.

But, in all this a choice I have,
To cry, laugh, sing, hate or love,
And I come to make mine at last,
That I shall forgive you, ___ fast.

Sila, a Wish

Find a dream I can call my own,
On a single smile, tear or frown,
A drifting, floating, blossoming dream,
Like a pure free flowing love stream…
A dream to call my own!
 
Finding a love that can change a life,
With every hug, walk or running strife,
A love strong and not there for sale,
And not necessarily a magical fairy-tale…
A love to call my own!
 
Finding a smile on a falling tear,
Love, comfort in times of great fear,
A burning fire when my heart is a-chill,
A never-dying power of self and will…
A smile to call my own!
 
Finding that place I can call my home,
Where there is peace when I go, or come,
With loved ones, a family of my own,
In any country, city, valley or town…
A home to call my own!
 
Quiet days, warm loving nights,
No conflicts, no strong emotional fights,
A heart at home, in the world of imperfections,
Solid, clear reflections, sharing completions…
…Just…
A LIFE TO CALL MY OWN!